i used to think that i was the only one who felt this way about women but now i know i'm not alone.

to tha fellas, when you see this video, i'm sure you're gonna send me money and tell me how much you agree with it. well, maybe not the money part but i'm sure all of you have run into these types of women before. and to the sistas, don't hate alright. yes, many guys do feel this way and until ya'll stop thinking that a man is nuttin' more than a meal ticket and some quick pleasure, these stereotypes will continue to exist.

i feel horrible today. my three day weekend wasn't totally awful but i didn't accomplish much of what i wanted to do.

first off, let me say that i've had it with VIpowerless. their sucky internet service is worse than viacsucks. you're telling me that drugfree prussia or whatever his name is, is making so much money and can't invest in decent telephone wires that don't get totally fux0red by a light drizzle. i'm sure you'd hear walkie-talkie style static on your phone if i were to just sneeze on one of the wires. I H8U2 VIPOWERLESS. for the entire weekend i haven't been able to stay online for more than a half an hour without being disconnected and my connection speed fluctuated between a blazing 28.8 and a lightening fast 31.2K. as a display of my lack of affection towards them, my msn screen names have between switching between "Vipowerless, the fastest disconnections in the Virgin Islands" and "Thanks to VIpowernet, i disappear and reappear more than Houdini." did i mention that i hated vipowerless? innovative sux0rs!

~ anyways ~

during my little "extended vacation" i must have inhaled fresh air no more than twice. it's pathetic, i know. i stayed home doing my c++ programming homework on friday night and went to the movies on saturday to see "rush hour 2" which was da bomb. best movie i've seen all year. on sunday, i made an attempt to go to the beach but nature foiled my plans 1nce again.

on my way there, the sky looked like some kinda screen capture from da movie "independence day" and it stayed that way until i arrived at the beach. i looked at the sky and i said, "no way." i'm not freezing my ass off and getting sick tomorrow so i'm not even gonna risk it. on my way home, i stop by the mall to get something to eat from McSux0rs and when i come back out, the sun is shining bright and it's hot as hell. argh!!! i didn't even bother to go back. i'm telling you, some sentient being hates me and is constantly making a mockery of my insignificant little life. when i see him, i swear by my uncle's wooden kidney, i'm going to frag his ass.

~ speaking of hell, i wrote an article about Wendy's this weekend. check it out! ~

to continue my "not so awful" weekend, i sleep like a baby every fricking day, and my brain waits until the night before i gotta go to work to get back at me for my screwed up weekend diet (more on that later). i think i have a subconscious obsession for my alarm clock because i keep waking up to gaze at it. 10:30, then 12:30, then 2:30. at that point i just said, fux0r that! i'll just go online. i dial-up and get my ass kicked in online pool by my patna Dru. i'm gonna practice and go back for a rematch tho. if any of you want to challenge me in the meantime, just drop me an e-mail challenge. remember, it wouldn't hurt to throw in some insults to get me in the right mood to layeth the smack down on your candied ass.

anywhich, at around 4:00 a.m., i fall asleep only to wake up and look at my love toy one more time. oh shiatzu! it's 8 fricking 30. now i'm more than casually late for work and i think my, "i overdosed on my A.D.D medication and couldn't wake up" excuse is getting old. to make things worse, i feel groggy and hurt all over due to my interrupted hibernation.

oh, did i forget to mention that my apartment ran out of food and my weekend diet consisted of french bread, vienna sausages and raspberry flavored nestea? under regular circumstances i would consider that the "food of champions" but when that's the only damn thing to eat, besides the furniture and my antique gummy bear collection, you don't know what kind of mental anguish that provokes. if i kill someone today, i think that my lack of proper nutrition and crappy labor day weekend is more than enough justification.

i'm still waiting for my change.

i know that all my chinese jokes had good reasoning behind them. i told you that ho sung pak and his ginsu blades™ weren't to be trusted. i won't even say anymore. for your viewing displeasure, the true ingredient in chinese food.

caution: this video is extemely graphic and is not for the weak of heart...or stomach. view at your own risk

[Real Ingredient in Chinese Food]

now didn't that look tasty? i mean, all those good seasonings topped with some good ol' kitten stir fry sauce™ and you've got yourself some good eatin'. and you thought that was chicken in your chow mein. more like meow mein eh?

damn i'm getting hungry. my mouth's salivating as i type. wait! what was that by my door? here kitty kitty kitty! brb.

guess what? i finally got some e-mails! although i know it's better to give than to receive, i still like to receive every once in a while. wait. that didn't sound too right. i like receiving MAIL every now and then. yeah, that's better. i'm not trying to send the wrong message. no, i've never been arrested and made a prison bitch to a big sweaty, gruesome, nasty, fat guy named Bubba.

i can't believe ya'll made me prostitute myself like that just to get some e-mail. i mean, prostituting is fun and all that but i'd rather do it for my usual payment of foodstamps instead of e-mail. a brotha gotta get some stuff for the apartment and you know them arab guys at the furniture store be accepting dat guvment cheese. i always look forward to hearing, "i give you good price my friend."

anyhow, keep the emails coming. like i said, just say hi, tell me how much you love/hate the site, make suggestions for columns you'd like to see in the future, anything! just send me some e-mail.

Stupid Human Trick #86
Me chinese, me no sick, me fall face first on the brick.

ok, i know i promised you guys a few things this week so here's an update.

first the good news.
i added an "archives" link on my navigation bar (to the left) which links to a page with all of my previous posts. this main page was getting too long so if you want to catch up on anything, feel free to check out my archives.

now the bad news.
i also promised that i would add the capability for you guys to post comments alongside mine. after pondering this over the weekend i've decided that it wouldn't be feasible. i know it sucks but i think i may implement a forum instead. if any of you have any ideas, please feel free to share them.

there goes my happy mood.

our most popular local isp, viacsucks...pardon me, viaccess, seems to like playing with my emotions. i'm telling you that service only goes down when i need to do something important like update my site. this is like the second or third time for the week that there has been network problems. i guess their patented, high-speed, cup tied tightly to a string cabling must need to be restrung. oooh, and don't talk about tech support. a friend of mine works there and although i sent him my url, i'm sure he won't visit so it serves him right that he'll never see this... their tech support isn't as bad as vipowernet but it's definitely horrible.

tech support call about my broken net connection:

techie: hi, viacsucks...i mean, viaccess, how may i help?
me: uhm, my connection isn't working properly, can you help please?
techie: sure, what's your user id?
me: *gives user id*
techie: ok, tell me your problem.
me: my COOOH-NECK-SHUNNNN, isn't working properly.
techie: can you be more specific?
me: i hear my modem dialing up to the internet but my connection keeps failing.
techie: is your modem on?
me: *slapping my forehead* uhm, if my modem wasn't on, then how could i hear it dialing?
techie: ok, let's check your network settings.

*after about 20 minutes of this*

me: *chewing on the computer power cord trying to kill myself*
techie: uhm, i just found out we're having network trouble. please be patient while we correct it and thank you for calling viacksuck, err, viaccess. *click*
me: *head striking keyboard* i passed out.

luckily when i woke up, my internet access was back up. i subscribed to vipowerless the next week.

hey viaccess, i have an for a logo for you. how about a picture of the virgin islands, a few bags of money to symbolize your coma-inducing prices, & a broken modem & ethernet card next to it.

no need to send money, that one was on the hizouse.