The fast and the...intoxicated?
9:24 p.m.

i must admit that i really dug "The Fast and the Furious." that was one of the only good movies that came out this summer. after such failures as "boob raider," "what's the worst that could happen," and "final fantasy," i am glad that i saw it. the only thing i regret about that movie is it not having an "NFI^16" rating (not for idiots over sixteen).

as soon as i came out of the theatre, every rice boy with a license and a rice burner was either reving up their cheap ass engine or doing 360's in the parking lot. i'm sure that's not the worst thing that happened after seeing that movie tho. i could just imagine...

A drunk kid get's pulled over on the highway and here's how the convo goes:

Cop: Do you know you were speeding?
Kid: Yup, i was going pretty fast wasn't I?. You would have never caught me if the NOS in my 86' sprint didn't give out.
Cop: What? You think you're funny eh? I take it you're not afraid to die or go to jail.
Kid: Nope. I live my life a 1/4 mile at a time because during those 10 seconds or less i'm free. Besides, I need a ten-second car.
Cop: Well, I don't have a ten-second car but I do have this...*cop pulls nightstick* How about a ten-second floggin you little prick!

And they say that movies are harmless...

Just like in da ghetto!
10:00 a.m.

Xiao Xiao Fight Game

This game needs no introduction or explanation. If you liked any of the previous stick figure fight series, then this is a must for you. What are you waiting for? Download the damn thing!

click the picture to play in full-screen glory!

Answer the question will ya?
9:40 a.m.

This morning I called the bakery to find out if a cake that i'm supposed to pick up for a friend of mine was ready. Here's a short synopsis of how our conversation went:

Baker dude: Hi, how may I help you?
Me: Good morrow, I'm calling to find out if a cake I ordered is ready.
Baker dude: What's the name on the cake?
Me: <person's name>. Is my cake ready?
Him avoiding my question: What time is your cake supposed to be ready for?
Me: Ten o'clock. Is the cake ready to be picked up?
Him skillfully avoiding my question: Call back at 10 o'clock please *click*

now, i know i'm not extremely smart but uhm, where is the part where he answered my question again? i hate when you ask someone a question and they answer everything except for what you asked them. this btw, is a key component of the female species. you guys know what i'm talking about. just try it, ask your girlfriend or mother a 'yes or no' question and more than likely you won't get a definite yes or no but an entire explanation that still probably won't answer your question.

now ain't that annoying? see, there you go not answering my question.

Only when I'm drunker
7:40 p.m.

i had a liquid death last weekend and it reminded me of why i want to give up drinking before i become a hopeless drunk. i don't drink much and this is very evident by my inability to accurately ride an exercise bike in a straight line after just one single-serve sized white zinfandel wine cooler. this reminds me, i was drunk for the first time in my life last month. it was the worst feeling in the world.

it was my friend's birthday, and we were kicking back some good ol' JD (jack daniels), rum and coke, and shots from the Rum Shack in town. Well, after consuming enough JD to burn a mid-sized hole in the lining of my stomach and about two or three Chicklet shots, I was fully intoxicated. now, i'm usually not the designated drunk , but that night i didn't hold back. it was one shot, two shots, three shots, floor.

i was fine enough to drive myself home. i mean, c'mon, what's the worst that could happen? prolly hit some stray drunk pedestrian staggering home in the middle of the night at most. yeah, you're right, i wouldn't want to get some smelly drunk's blood all over my car.

anywho, when i came home i felt an immense urge to relieve myself. as i got inside, i ran straight to the bathroom and let out a heavy stream of JD. some of it went in the toilet. i sighed in relief.

i felt good for the moment but after that, i couldn't sleep. i got back up to go to the bathroom and ended up puking my guts out not once, not twice, not three but four fricking times. my internal organs shifted from the stench and i regurgitated till my throat burned from a potent cocktail of stomach acid and liquor. to cut a long story short, that was the most disgrossting feeling in the world and i never want to be drunk again. thus, i am giving up drinking...until christmas that is ;-)

that night i was seriously considering checking myself into the hospital. yeah i'm a big wuss but i'm not even trying to go out like that. dying of alchohol poisoning would be so embarassing. i'd never be able to show my face in public again.

- nostaljack
sober since last month

Damn you Wang Chu
9:00 a.m.

yo, remember those animal carcass pics i promised ya'll by the end of the week? guess what? it seems like Ho Sung Pak and Wang Chu have beat me to it. every last dead creature that i passed on the road yesterday is gone. so sorry kids, the only way you're gonna get to see any dead dogs is if you order the $2.99 special from any of our fine local chinese restaurants.

oh, and next time, please don't even think about letting all that good animal meat go to waste.

"If Yan can cook 'em, then so can you!"

Death to you all
4:07 p.m.

what the hell is going on? is it just me or did i count like seven dead animals on my way to work? is it our horrible crucian driving or do all these animals have a deathwish? i've never seen so much animal mutilation and carnage since the opening of that chinese restaurant by plaza extra. for those of you who like to look at your food before you eat it, i'm going to have some animal carcass pics by the end of the week. if i don't get to that roadkill soon, chang wan will be all over them with his ginsu blades™ and wok faster than you can say "chikun fai waice."

Somebody Shoot Me!!
3:05 p.m.

man, i feel like totally horrible. i went to the beach a few days ago and i'm like so totally in pain. either i am more out of shape than i thought or that tampon that i found while swimming must have done severe damage to my already fragile male ego. wait, didn't i tell you? that was the nastiest fricking thing that has ever happened to me...at a beach that is. thank goodness there was no visible monkey blood on it or that wouldn't be the only vaginally excreted member floating in the sea. uhm, err, i don't feel so good. brb.

Nuttin' To Do
4:30 p.m.

i'm telling you that humans have absolutely nothing better to do with their lives than mind other people's business. this morn one of my friends calls me up and lets me to know that she heard that i have a new girlfriend and that i took her to dinner the other night. i swear to my gosh that i saw absolutely nobody that i knew that night. oh well, crap like this seems to be inevitable. i guess i'm back to cross dressing again to conceal my identity. the price you pay to be famous.